Driving to campus today I was so lost in my thoughts that I have no idea how I arrived here. The shooting at a Florida high school yesterday left me numb. I didn't even try to engage in the usual online debates or post on Facebook about how something needs to be done. I needed to grieve, again, and just retreat for a little while.
This morning though, a new perspective emerged as if my mind was working on it all along in the background. There are a lot of people now arguing about shoulds - should be harder to get a gun, should do something about mental health, should say something if someone seems dangerous. I hate shoulds. I think the word SHOULD disappear. :-)
My thoughts have turned instead to something every single one of us has the power to do. Today. This moment.
My very favorite thing about living in Guatemala was the part of the culture that puts people first. There is a love and care for others, even strangers, that I don't often see in everyday US life. I got used to making eye contact and nodding, smiling, or talking to just about every person I came across. I was the beneficiary of so much love and kindness - the rural folks who came out of their homes at 5 a.m. to help us turn our vehicle around in a mud pit, the indigenous woman at the lake who snuggled with me on the boat and shared a giggle about our picture and an umbrella for the walk up the hillside in the rain, the many people who just happened to be walking down the busy street at the end of our hill that stepped in that street and stopped traffic so that I could pull out and around a blind corner.
There was a warmth and affection everywhere we traveled in Mexico and Guatemala. Yes, getting to tasks is important and eventually happens, but people come first. I remember feeling shocked that McDonald's doesn't open until 9, and I also remember the person on the street telling me that "of course it's that way, people need time in the morning with family."
Coming back to the US (two years ago now!) has been a transition. I have struggled at times to maintain the peace and connection I cultivated while living down south. And yet, I feel that has to be part of the answer to our burning question - what can we do to stop this?
The disconnection and despair in this country is easier to see after living somewhere else. Guatemalans may be incredibly poor on paper compared to the US, but with few exceptions the people I met there were healthy and connected and dare I say, happy.
So I invite you to join me in upping our connection quota. As a professor now, each day on campus I make a point of making eye contact and smiling or nodding at each person I see. Most don't make eye contact but I try anyway. I talk to store clerks and people next to me at the gas station. I make small talk with the people in line with me at the grocery store or movie theater. Do some people think I'm strange? Undoubtedly. I'll take strange and connecting over sophisticated and isolated every day of the week.
With my family, friends, colleagues, and students I make an effort to ensure they know they are enough and valuable just the way they are. Do I challenge them to make better choices? Yup, but I love them even when they fail, and make sure they know it - especially when they fail.
Will that solve mass shootings in this country? Of course not. It is but one small part of the equation, but it's a part each of us can do.
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