Driving to campus today I was so lost in my thoughts that I have no idea how I arrived here. The shooting at a Florida high school yesterday left me numb. I didn't even try to engage in the usual online debates or post on Facebook about how something needs to be done. I needed to grieve, again, and just retreat for a little while.
This morning though, a new perspective emerged as if my mind was working on it all along in the background. There are a lot of people now arguing about shoulds - should be harder to get a gun, should do something about mental health, should say something if someone seems dangerous. I hate shoulds. I think the word SHOULD disappear. :-)
My thoughts have turned instead to something every single one of us has the power to do. Today. This moment.
My very favorite thing about living in Guatemala was the part of the culture that puts people first. There is a love and care for others, even strangers, that I don't often see in everyday US life. I got used to making eye contact and nodding, smiling, or talking to just about every person I came across. I was the beneficiary of so much love and kindness - the rural folks who came out of their homes at 5 a.m. to help us turn our vehicle around in a mud pit, the indigenous woman at the lake who snuggled with me on the boat and shared a giggle about our picture and an umbrella for the walk up the hillside in the rain, the many people who just happened to be walking down the busy street at the end of our hill that stepped in that street and stopped traffic so that I could pull out and around a blind corner.
There was a warmth and affection everywhere we traveled in Mexico and Guatemala. Yes, getting to tasks is important and eventually happens, but people come first. I remember feeling shocked that McDonald's doesn't open until 9, and I also remember the person on the street telling me that "of course it's that way, people need time in the morning with family."
Coming back to the US (two years ago now!) has been a transition. I have struggled at times to maintain the peace and connection I cultivated while living down south. And yet, I feel that has to be part of the answer to our burning question - what can we do to stop this?
The disconnection and despair in this country is easier to see after living somewhere else. Guatemalans may be incredibly poor on paper compared to the US, but with few exceptions the people I met there were healthy and connected and dare I say, happy.
So I invite you to join me in upping our connection quota. As a professor now, each day on campus I make a point of making eye contact and smiling or nodding at each person I see. Most don't make eye contact but I try anyway. I talk to store clerks and people next to me at the gas station. I make small talk with the people in line with me at the grocery store or movie theater. Do some people think I'm strange? Undoubtedly. I'll take strange and connecting over sophisticated and isolated every day of the week.
With my family, friends, colleagues, and students I make an effort to ensure they know they are enough and valuable just the way they are. Do I challenge them to make better choices? Yup, but I love them even when they fail, and make sure they know it - especially when they fail.
Will that solve mass shootings in this country? Of course not. It is but one small part of the equation, but it's a part each of us can do.
Thursday, February 15, 2018
Thursday, August 6, 2015
Re-Starts and Re-Runs
As you may know if you've read some past posts, I was trying out a few things here in Guate and while I was continuing my school PR work for several US clients, I just wasn't sure it made financial sense for me to go. And then the universe, as it often does if you let it, stepped in. My session for my first 2 hour workshop on communication planning got accepted (kind of a big deal), and a couple friends stepped in with offers of shared hotel rooms and team discount registrations.
My session was first thing Monday 8 a.m. and it got off to a little bit of shaky start...I had tested my mic and everything else (something I've done every year since a fiasco presentation at CAPIO.) Then the techies stopped by to check my work and offered to replace my mic batteries to make sure they lasted the full two hours. My bestie Kate had offered to be my right hand during the session and the two of us started joking that now that everything was set up, no one would probably show up in my room set up for 200. We even started making practical plans for how much more interactive things could be if we had as few as five people come.
Then 20 minutes before the presentation, they started filing in...and in...and in. Be careful for what you wish for, right? After an introduction that sounded like it was about some other lady living some other life, I got up and hoped I could deliver on what was being promised the now close to 200 folks. As I started to speak, I saw lots of confusion, head shaking and a couple people at my nearest table signaling for me to come over. A few quick seconds later, the mic actually turned on and so did I.
As I prepared for the session, I wasn't sure about taking up a full 2 hours, but it went so fast! When you are doing what you love, what you know in your heart you were meant to do, when you feel like you are having real IMPACT and are in the flow, time stops. I could have stayed there with folks all day talking about research, analysis, strategies and evaluation....my inner data geek planner goddess was in heaven.
Afterwards I realized something....I hadn't felt that way very often lately.
As the song goes, I need to be needed. And I set about the rest of the seminar asking my super smart PR peeps about different business models that would meet my needs - to stay based in Guatemala with my hubby but give me the flexibility to jump in and help folks that need me. My remote consulting work, the envy of people who wish they could travel like us, would continue but I needed more. I needed an occasional jolt of impact, where I would travel to a client and work intensely with them either because they had a gap in their PR office due to family leave or a transition or for a short-term project.
The response from my colleagues has been tremendous and I can't believe I never thought of it before.
Lucky for me, my man is always my biggest supporter and so here we are, launching SchoolPRPro. (Can you believe I got that domain? Me neither!!)
And, contrary to the way I fell into business three years ago, this time I am following my own PR planning advice. I am writing a comprehensive plan, adding several new marketing tools and even starting with a quick survey to create a baseline that I can track each year.
So, if you have a moment, I have a few things to ask that will really help me:
- Take my 6 question survey
- Check out my fancy new site (schoolprpro.com) that I created in a few days with Wix
- Share the site with anyone you think might be interested in my new services
- If youŕe interested in Wix, do it through this link so I can get credit
- Sign up for my new email updates through the front page of my site- only once or twice a month, a link and summary of the latest, greatest education and PR related stuff
- Check out this super cute pic of the new kitty, Charlie, we got to hang out with Osa
- Continue sending me your good wishes, it's obviously working ;-)
Oh, and if youŕe still not tired about hearing about my crazy life or missed it the first time, our move to Guatemala is already re-run material on House Hunters International. It airs again August 13th and 14th.
Peace and love!
t
PS - Sac peeps, I'll be back in town soon and will share the dates when I have them.
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
To my Uncle with Love
My crazy, artistic, ultra liberal cynical Uncle Roger is dying.
My earliest memory of him is in Palm Springs. He visited us driving his old VW bus and parked it on the side of our apartment building and slept there instead of our couch. He also ate his own food, which I thought was really strange. In fact, when I went out to the bus while he was standing there in his long hair and suede shirt making his breakfast of chicken livers and eggs, I thought the whole place smelled funny. But I was intrigued by this strange man that was my dad's brother and have been ever since.
I remember him again during my early high school years in Sacramento. Growing up with dad and his strong conservative views (back then), I was walking the American Dream straight and narrow. Studying hard, getting straight As, and super excited about my new job at McDonald's that I hoped would earn me a new stereo within my first couple paychecks. Rather than the typical grown up response I was getting from the folks in my blue collar neighborhood, my visiting uncle sarcastically congratulated me on becoming a ¨good little capitalist¨ which started political argument #4,587 between he and dad.
The summer after high school my best friend and I decided to take a road trip out to Santa Cruz and decided to stay with Uncle Roger in the mountains outside of town. For a couple of girls who grew up in North Highlands, nothing could have prepared us for what to expect. The house appeared to be mounds of cement interspersed with colorful glass bottles, broken ceramic pieces and curious little knick knacks just pushed into the walls. According to my memory of more than 20 years ago, Uncle Roger told me it was built by circus gypsies. Inside, there were far more books than furniture and a strong pachouli smell. I remember they offered us some pizza, which was not like anything I ever saw at Dominoes. I remember feeling some combination of pride/embarrassment that my family was soooo weird.
When it was time to go away to college, I went to University of the Pacific because frankly, they were offering me the best financial deal and although only an hour down the road, hardly anyone from my neighborhood had ever gone there and at that point in my life I desperately wanted to be different. That's probably what made me choose to bring the strange candle Uncle Roger gave me as a graduation gift. It had an Asian drawing on it and the translation read, ¨It's Okay to Wake up Laughing.¨ It's one of the few things that I've taken with me throughout the years and it has helped me through more crisis than I can remember. It's an excellent reminder not to take myself too seriously.
One of of my favorite times with Uncle Roger was him in his playwright glory. He was always very interested in dad's experience in Vietnam and at one point wrote a play about it. If I'm honest, I'll have to admit that when I saw it I was too young to fully appreciate the deeper meaning that I'm sure it was written to convey. What I remember is the awe I felt at seeing these people moving around the stage, saying the words my uncle put to paper. What I remember is my uncle's stage presence as actor-director and the way he was larger than life and demanded all the attention in the room. What I remember is that after the play while the cast was backstage, word spread that I was in fact the niece of the writer and the daughter of the soldier the play was based on and all these young people crowded around me asking questions about what I thought was my pretty mundane family. It was really cool to see the admiration everyone had for Roger and see the love and light in his personality shine as he came out to hold court.
That's what I'll be thinking about, my dear uncle as I send you my love and wish I could be there to kiss your cheek and look into those beautiful eyes one last time. Thank you for the magic you brought to our lives, to forcing us to see the uncomfortable and question the unfair. Thank you for knowing your truth was more important than playing nice and getting along. I adore you and knowing you has changed me for the better.
And although I know you don't believe in it, I hope you are wrong about heaven, and you end up in a crazy wonderful place with your wife, loads of plays to write and act in and all the chocolate you can eat.
My earliest memory of him is in Palm Springs. He visited us driving his old VW bus and parked it on the side of our apartment building and slept there instead of our couch. He also ate his own food, which I thought was really strange. In fact, when I went out to the bus while he was standing there in his long hair and suede shirt making his breakfast of chicken livers and eggs, I thought the whole place smelled funny. But I was intrigued by this strange man that was my dad's brother and have been ever since.
I remember him again during my early high school years in Sacramento. Growing up with dad and his strong conservative views (back then), I was walking the American Dream straight and narrow. Studying hard, getting straight As, and super excited about my new job at McDonald's that I hoped would earn me a new stereo within my first couple paychecks. Rather than the typical grown up response I was getting from the folks in my blue collar neighborhood, my visiting uncle sarcastically congratulated me on becoming a ¨good little capitalist¨ which started political argument #4,587 between he and dad.
The summer after high school my best friend and I decided to take a road trip out to Santa Cruz and decided to stay with Uncle Roger in the mountains outside of town. For a couple of girls who grew up in North Highlands, nothing could have prepared us for what to expect. The house appeared to be mounds of cement interspersed with colorful glass bottles, broken ceramic pieces and curious little knick knacks just pushed into the walls. According to my memory of more than 20 years ago, Uncle Roger told me it was built by circus gypsies. Inside, there were far more books than furniture and a strong pachouli smell. I remember they offered us some pizza, which was not like anything I ever saw at Dominoes. I remember feeling some combination of pride/embarrassment that my family was soooo weird.
When it was time to go away to college, I went to University of the Pacific because frankly, they were offering me the best financial deal and although only an hour down the road, hardly anyone from my neighborhood had ever gone there and at that point in my life I desperately wanted to be different. That's probably what made me choose to bring the strange candle Uncle Roger gave me as a graduation gift. It had an Asian drawing on it and the translation read, ¨It's Okay to Wake up Laughing.¨ It's one of the few things that I've taken with me throughout the years and it has helped me through more crisis than I can remember. It's an excellent reminder not to take myself too seriously.
One of of my favorite times with Uncle Roger was him in his playwright glory. He was always very interested in dad's experience in Vietnam and at one point wrote a play about it. If I'm honest, I'll have to admit that when I saw it I was too young to fully appreciate the deeper meaning that I'm sure it was written to convey. What I remember is the awe I felt at seeing these people moving around the stage, saying the words my uncle put to paper. What I remember is my uncle's stage presence as actor-director and the way he was larger than life and demanded all the attention in the room. What I remember is that after the play while the cast was backstage, word spread that I was in fact the niece of the writer and the daughter of the soldier the play was based on and all these young people crowded around me asking questions about what I thought was my pretty mundane family. It was really cool to see the admiration everyone had for Roger and see the love and light in his personality shine as he came out to hold court.
That's what I'll be thinking about, my dear uncle as I send you my love and wish I could be there to kiss your cheek and look into those beautiful eyes one last time. Thank you for the magic you brought to our lives, to forcing us to see the uncomfortable and question the unfair. Thank you for knowing your truth was more important than playing nice and getting along. I adore you and knowing you has changed me for the better.
And although I know you don't believe in it, I hope you are wrong about heaven, and you end up in a crazy wonderful place with your wife, loads of plays to write and act in and all the chocolate you can eat.
Sunday, June 28, 2015
Fear and Love
Maybe because it's been a consequential week in the US, maybe it's because I have the distance to appreciate it from a different perspective, but it seems to me that on a number of fronts and particularly with regards to race and sexual orientation, our nation is going through the painful growth it takes to move from a place of fear to a place of love.
When Obama ran for president, I remember deciding to support him despite my many liberal friends telling me I was throwing my money and vote away, that our country wasn't ready to elect a black man. On election night, I don't remember ever feeling so proud to be an American - that we as a nation had moved far away from our cruel past and choose this smart, kind, unlikely professor type to lead us during a very scary time. (I remember seriously thinking that year that we should take our money out of even the largest US banks because of the fragility of our economy.)
The next seven years have shown Obama to be just a man, with flaws like the rest of us, but one that loves his country enough to sacrifice the enormous amount of time and energy it has taken to lead us into a better place across every economic indicator. And yet, the very fact that he is president, perhaps even more so that he has been successful, seems to have inflamed so many people.
These are not bad people, and most in my opinion do not even know why it is that the very mention of the man drives them crazy. I suspect it is because they do not even know that their worldview, cultivated by every experience they've had and the stories handed down through their families, is threatened by the triumph of Obama. If you are reading this and shaking your head right now with how wrong I am - take a moment, pause, and just feel your body. Are you calm, rational? Is it the same as if we were debating the best college in the US or what color of car to buy? Or in your heart of hearts, just to yourself, can you admit that there is something more, something irrational, fearful about your response? This does not make you an awful person - it makes you a human being encountering new information that threatens very deep, often unspoken beliefs about the world.
The same is true with regards to same sex marriage. Fear and love are a continuum and there are a lot of people at every point along that path. I have had the great pleasure of knowing and loving many gay friends, of seeing their very human, mundane relationships up close and understanding long ago that their commitments to each other are no different than those of heterosexuals. For other people, the only experience they may have with gay people is what they see on tv, or a story about a friend of a friend.
For others, people in their religious lives have long told them that marriage between gay people is a sin. There are a lot of passages of the bible that can be used to separate us - those that work on Sundays, eat crab or even wear different threads of clothing together and many more are condemned if you are looking for ways to judge others.
However, the ultimate truth of the bible and most religions is bigger than that, and those that truly love Christ and others like him know that. Christ doesn't ask us to tolerate others or to accept them - we are called to something greater, to love one another. Anything less than that is not enough.
To say you are going to pray for the children of gay families, to say that you are going to accept gays along with the other sinners in your life is quite honestly...arrogant. None of us is the creator, none can argue with certainty that everyone today isn't perfect exactly as they are. That said, even when I see that stuff in my fb news feed, that's when I get the opportunity to grow. That's right, everyone along the continuum, even those still stuck in the darkest, most hateful of places is deserving of love, and perhaps need it even more.
So while there are moments along the way that will bring us to our knees in agony, have us shaking our heads in frustration or tempted to throw our computer out the window in anger...we are all in this together whether we like it or not. The choices ahead of you...how fearful or loving you face the world will determine your level of suffering or peace. It's in your hands.
When Obama ran for president, I remember deciding to support him despite my many liberal friends telling me I was throwing my money and vote away, that our country wasn't ready to elect a black man. On election night, I don't remember ever feeling so proud to be an American - that we as a nation had moved far away from our cruel past and choose this smart, kind, unlikely professor type to lead us during a very scary time. (I remember seriously thinking that year that we should take our money out of even the largest US banks because of the fragility of our economy.)
The next seven years have shown Obama to be just a man, with flaws like the rest of us, but one that loves his country enough to sacrifice the enormous amount of time and energy it has taken to lead us into a better place across every economic indicator. And yet, the very fact that he is president, perhaps even more so that he has been successful, seems to have inflamed so many people.
These are not bad people, and most in my opinion do not even know why it is that the very mention of the man drives them crazy. I suspect it is because they do not even know that their worldview, cultivated by every experience they've had and the stories handed down through their families, is threatened by the triumph of Obama. If you are reading this and shaking your head right now with how wrong I am - take a moment, pause, and just feel your body. Are you calm, rational? Is it the same as if we were debating the best college in the US or what color of car to buy? Or in your heart of hearts, just to yourself, can you admit that there is something more, something irrational, fearful about your response? This does not make you an awful person - it makes you a human being encountering new information that threatens very deep, often unspoken beliefs about the world.
The same is true with regards to same sex marriage. Fear and love are a continuum and there are a lot of people at every point along that path. I have had the great pleasure of knowing and loving many gay friends, of seeing their very human, mundane relationships up close and understanding long ago that their commitments to each other are no different than those of heterosexuals. For other people, the only experience they may have with gay people is what they see on tv, or a story about a friend of a friend.
For others, people in their religious lives have long told them that marriage between gay people is a sin. There are a lot of passages of the bible that can be used to separate us - those that work on Sundays, eat crab or even wear different threads of clothing together and many more are condemned if you are looking for ways to judge others.
However, the ultimate truth of the bible and most religions is bigger than that, and those that truly love Christ and others like him know that. Christ doesn't ask us to tolerate others or to accept them - we are called to something greater, to love one another. Anything less than that is not enough.
To say you are going to pray for the children of gay families, to say that you are going to accept gays along with the other sinners in your life is quite honestly...arrogant. None of us is the creator, none can argue with certainty that everyone today isn't perfect exactly as they are. That said, even when I see that stuff in my fb news feed, that's when I get the opportunity to grow. That's right, everyone along the continuum, even those still stuck in the darkest, most hateful of places is deserving of love, and perhaps need it even more.
So while there are moments along the way that will bring us to our knees in agony, have us shaking our heads in frustration or tempted to throw our computer out the window in anger...we are all in this together whether we like it or not. The choices ahead of you...how fearful or loving you face the world will determine your level of suffering or peace. It's in your hands.
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
House Hunters International!
Hola blog followers, you faithful bunch that stay with me even though I haven't posted since....MARCH!
Just in case you didn't read the initial post on the topic, for some crazy reason House Hunters International decided to follow Ken and I to Guatemala to tell the world about our decision to move abroad and how we selected our first home in Guatemala. They came out and filmed our episode in October and November and it will be airing in the US on Monday, May 25th at 10:30pm EST and 1:30am EST. You can find more details by following this link.
So, now that you've read the exciting part, stay tuned for another post about the project that I'd like to blame for the lack of posts, but that wouldn't exactly be the truth. We started a BnB! Okay it's really just a B because we don't provide breakfast, but you get the point. Here's the link in case you know someone heading south soon. We will have 3 rooms up and going within the month, so if this one is booked, look for the other two.
We also hosted Ken parents for a couple weeks during the exciting Semana Santa celebrations here in Antigua in April! So amazing to experience...once. Then after the sixth week of processions, I have to admit my enthusiasm was a little less than optimal. If you haven't seen one though, I highly recommend it. Here's a great post about the event. It was wonderful to be able to share our new country with Ken and Jan and spend some time with them.
Hope you are enjoying a wonderful spring!
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
Do hugs and kisses solve road rage?
Went to a fundraiser last night with a good friend that I've made here in Antigua. I was very excited because back in California I was very active in the non-profit community and miss that part of my life.
The event was a cocktail party and silent auction to raise money for the local library. As we approached the event address, I realized it was actually someone's private home. We entered and were immediately greeted by the hostess, Anna Maria, who was delightful. Upon learning I was new to Antigua, she proudly explained to me that it was a very traditional Antiguan home in that all of the rooms came off the huge center courtyard with doors that were rarely closed because of the wonderful weather the city enjoys year-round. She also explained that her mother-in-law gifted her the home upon her death, saying that she wanted Anna Maria to have a piece of land of her own that no one could ever make her leave. As she spoke, describing her mother in law as a strong feminist in a country where it was difficult to be that way during her time, she was standing closely next to me, stroking my arm in a very sweet and nurturing way and smiling.
Almost every older woman I met last night was the same way...leaning in for a kiss hello, making me feel welcome, holding my arm and hands. Even though they were just meeting me, the warmth of these gestures made me feel like they were good friends.
It's a funny thing because I remember being so uncomfortable with all the physical affection in this culture when we first arrived - feeling awkward and unsure of when to do the cheek kiss thing, when to shake hands, etc. Now I can't help wondering if a little more public affection might be just what's needed up north.
The kindness of the people in Guatemala continues to surprise and delight me. I see so much less competition, more cooperation in all things. The contrast is most obvious on the road - three lanes of traffic stopping to allow a line of people turning left to get through, people on the sidewalk when you are parking jumping in to give direction about how much space you have, slower vehicles routinely moving into the shoulder so that cars can pass.
People here seem to appreciate that we are all in this together and their first instinct is to help in any way they can. It's lovely.
The event was a cocktail party and silent auction to raise money for the local library. As we approached the event address, I realized it was actually someone's private home. We entered and were immediately greeted by the hostess, Anna Maria, who was delightful. Upon learning I was new to Antigua, she proudly explained to me that it was a very traditional Antiguan home in that all of the rooms came off the huge center courtyard with doors that were rarely closed because of the wonderful weather the city enjoys year-round. She also explained that her mother-in-law gifted her the home upon her death, saying that she wanted Anna Maria to have a piece of land of her own that no one could ever make her leave. As she spoke, describing her mother in law as a strong feminist in a country where it was difficult to be that way during her time, she was standing closely next to me, stroking my arm in a very sweet and nurturing way and smiling.Almost every older woman I met last night was the same way...leaning in for a kiss hello, making me feel welcome, holding my arm and hands. Even though they were just meeting me, the warmth of these gestures made me feel like they were good friends.
It's a funny thing because I remember being so uncomfortable with all the physical affection in this culture when we first arrived - feeling awkward and unsure of when to do the cheek kiss thing, when to shake hands, etc. Now I can't help wondering if a little more public affection might be just what's needed up north.
The kindness of the people in Guatemala continues to surprise and delight me. I see so much less competition, more cooperation in all things. The contrast is most obvious on the road - three lanes of traffic stopping to allow a line of people turning left to get through, people on the sidewalk when you are parking jumping in to give direction about how much space you have, slower vehicles routinely moving into the shoulder so that cars can pass.
People here seem to appreciate that we are all in this together and their first instinct is to help in any way they can. It's lovely.
Saturday, February 14, 2015
All is Full of Love
Valentine's Day has always been a complicated day for me. I love...love. Love it, and love celebrating it everywhere I see it. But Valentine's Day is also the day my mother was killed by a drunk driver. I was eight, my little sister just two. It's hard to imagine today that two little girls would survive losing a mom a such a young age. And yet we did more than survive.While I could have been filled with bitterness at the unfairness of losing mom, the love that came into my life from so many other directions made that bitterness
impossible. In so many ways, big and very, very small, people I've known for decades and people I never met have touched my life with love. The call or text when I most needed it, shared laughter over a glass of wine, a smile that goes all the way to the eyes as we pass in the street, even a kind comment on a Facebook post - all these things and more. Feeling the sun on my face in the morning, a gentle breeze with a hint of jasmine, the sounds of lapping waves or laughing children in the distance - more love.
So today, if your thoughts wander to what is missing in your life, I hope this song reminds you of all the love that is around you.
"All is Full of Love"
You'll be given love
You'll be taken care of
You'll be given love
You have to trust it
Maybe not from the sources
You have poured yours
Maybe not from the directions
You are staring at
Twist your head around
It's all around you
All is full of love
All around you
All is full of love
You just ain't receiving
All is full of love
Your phone is off the hook
All is full of love
Your doors are all shut
All is full of love!
All is full of love
All is full of love
All is full of love
All is full of love
All is full of love
You'll be taken care of
You'll be given love
You have to trust it
Maybe not from the sources
You have poured yours
Maybe not from the directions
You are staring at
Twist your head around
It's all around you
All is full of love
All around you
All is full of love
You just ain't receiving
All is full of love
Your phone is off the hook
All is full of love
Your doors are all shut
All is full of love!
All is full of love
All is full of love
All is full of love
All is full of love
All is full of love
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